The Adelaide Football Club has gone into lockdown tonight as revelations that club nutritionist Nonna Gallucci has been feeding her grandson Human Growth Hormone.
Nonna, best known for her love of cooking, family and damp concrete, has reportedly been injecting the banned substance into her famous meatballs, leading to significant growth on his already aesthetic rig.
It is understood that the club was aware of the ingredient being added, but chose not to say anything lest they offend Nonna and miss out on an invite to her next sauce day.
The revelation comes only hours after former Crow Scott Thompson revealed that he had been eating Nonna’s food for the entirety of his career, citing her home cooking as the reason for his long and successful career.
ASADA officials have flown to Adelaide tonight to interview Nonna, but have been met with resistance from the local Italian community, who accosted officials at the airport.
“No one questions Nonna” one young man screamed.