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Local strippers humiliated after being associated with Jack Watts

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Several Adelaide based adult dancers have today been humiliated after scandalous revelations that they had performed for Port Magpies utility Jack Watts.

Leaked text messages have revealed Watts’ passions for swimming and the female body led to him contracting the services of some of Adelaide’s finest dancers after his sides demoralising Showdown loss earlier this year.

One such dancer, Kimberley Surridge (aka Candy) said the leaked messages had ruined her life.

“I’m humiliated. I can’t walk around in public, my mum and dad won’t speak to me and my friends won’t answer my calls. All because I made one mistake and associated with Jack Watts.”

Watts, who famously made the move to Adelaide after mistaking Port Adelaide’s passion for Diet Coke as being a passion for Colombian Marching Powder, is yet to comment on the leaked messages.

Candy says his decision to switch clubs ruined her life.

“The Port Power boys all used to be so nice. They’d hire us for Mad Monday and then Chad Wingard would pay for a private dance while he played fortnite. It was good honest work that I was proud of.”

“Once Jack started hanging around… Well I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Who does a strip show for an SANFL player.”

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