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North Korean peace talks hinge on access to 1997 Premiership replays

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Peace talks between North and South Korea have stalled today over the demands from Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un to have universal access to replays of the 1997 AFL Grand Final.

The landmark talks had to date been progressing cautiously, but reports emerged earlier today that South Korean officials had been seen storming out of a specially built meeting room in the demilitarised zone between North and South Korea.

The Journal understands that Kim Jong Un has demanded unfettered access to the original recordings of the 1997 Grand Final in an effort to boost morale amongst the North Korean population.

However, South Korean President Moon Jae-In has balked at the demand, believing that the subsequent morale boost has the potential to whip the North Korean citizens into a frenzy, and potentially lead to an all out attack.

“We can not allow North Korea to have access to such material. It is too dangerous and the consequences too dire. We offered them the tapes from the AFLX Grand Final, which we are hoping they will accept.”

Meanwhile, Adelaide Crows CEO Andrew Fagan has today flown to Seoul at the request of Supreme Leader Un to attempt to resolve the stalemate.

“We can understand why the North Korean Government wants access to the recordings. Darren Jarman is actually 4th in line to the Supreme Leadership after his efforts in 97.” Fagan said.

Port Adelaide President David Koch is understood to be furious at the Crows involvement in the discussions, saying that Port Adelaide’s 2017 game in Shanghai gave it a monopoly on all things Asia.

“We invented China” Koch said.

“I offered up replays of our 2004 Grand Final months ago, but they took it as an insult and slaughtered our delegation. Nevertheless, the Crows have no business here.”

More to come.

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