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AFL locks in Grand Final at MCG for next 40 years in response to Crows Fan’s jab at Hardwick

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AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan, brother of Chris Gayle sympathiser and Channel 7 Sports Host Hamish McLachlan, has today announced the sanctions imposed on the Crows fan who attacked Richmond Coach Damien Hardwick at the Adelaide Oval.

Instead of banning the fan from future games, or doing nothing at all given the incident was so ridiculous, McLachlan has announced a landmark deal that will keep the AFL Grand Final at the MCG for the next 40 years.

McLachlan, who comes from a prominent South Australian family, said the response was fair and measured.

“Did you actually expect me to keep the interests of my home state at the forefront of my mind? Surely by now you accept that I can be easily bribed to do something that I know goes against the greater good.”

“Under this deal, new Grandstands will be built, the Grand Final is locked away, the Brownlow is locked away, Etihad will get redeveloped, and I will personally be kissing every Melbournian on the dick.”

The Crows fan at the centre of the controversy, Mr Tom Ronson, said he probably would have kept quiet if he knew the consequences.

“All I said was it’s not so easy when you’re not at the MCG. Now I’m going to have to go over to Victoria every year for the next 40 years to watch the boys in the Grand Final. I don’t want to do that. Doesn’t that state have a problem with gangs?”

McLachlan however was unapologetic.

“Just FYI, I represented Victoria in the polo and I am a Victorian now. I hate Adelaide.”

 

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