The Prime Minister has announced an incredible spike in national economic indicators today after sales of desks rose by 1500 per cent following the announcement of Rory Laird’s three year contract extension.
Speaking today to a flock of reputable journalists that did not include Sam McClure, Prime Minister Turnbull revealed he was relieved the deal had been done.
“This is an absolute credit to the nous and expertise of the Adelaide Crows that they were able to get the signature of the most sought after football player in the country. I had previously contacted Andrew Fagan to implore him to get this contract signed. Our jobs and growth depended on it.”
Ikea have also announced that they have taken on an extra 4000 permanent sales staff across the nation in an effort to meet demand.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. We sold out of desks in about 2 minutes. Then people started buying ironing boards and said they would use them as desks. One bloke brought all of the hot dogs and some glue and said he would make his own desk.
The Australian Greens have condemned the signing, after it was revealed that Australia is projected to run out of trees within one year as desk manufacturers demand more timber.
Laird himself was happy that he was able to sign so early in the season, but was less pleased that people were calling him ‘Desk.’
“Brodie Smith came up with that nickname because I’m short and square. I hate it and I hate him. Why can’t people call me Dos and go out and buy old versions of that MS-DOS operating system, or that companion card game to Uno.”