Air Traffic Controllers warn against re-signing of Elliot Himmelberg


The Australian Air Traffic Control Union (AATCU) has today cautioned the Adelaide Football Club over their re-signing of young forward Elliot Himmelberg, citing the inherent risks of keeping helium fuelled, rigid-framed airships in such a populated area.

Todd Pazios, a 15 year veteran in the Air Traffic Control Industry, explained that Himmelberg ran a very high risk of catching fire and exploding if any of his gas cells are exposed.

“We aren’t talking about being on fire in the sense that he will kick 6 goals a game in the SANFL and demand a spot in the firsts. We are talking about real, hot, deadly fire. It happened in 1937. It will happen again.”

“The safest thing for South Australia is to ensure that this young man is kept as far away from populated areas as possible.”

Himmelberg himself is confused by the outrage, saying that he just wanted to get on with the job of kicking goals on and off the field.

“I don’t know what these losers are on about. Air traffic control? Are they mad that I dock on the head of any defender in the country?”

Pazios however is defiant.

“The Himmelberg Disaster was a burden on the advancement of technology.”

“Or was that the Hindenburg.. F*ck I don’t know.”

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