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Darcy Fogarty Banned From AFL After Government Tightens Gun Control Laws

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Adelaide Crows rookie sensation Darcy Fogarty will today appeal a decision from the Australian Government to restrict his access to public places, putting his AFL future in doubt.

Fogarty, the 18 year old Lucindale product, was informed at half time in yesterdays JLT match against Port Adelaide that his biceps had been categorised as a Category R (Restricted) weapon under the National Firearms Agreement. Under the agreement, Category R weapons may only be used by the Australian Defence Force.

John Langford, a survivor of the recent Florida School Shooting, praised the decision.

“It’s not safe for him to be in public. Sure he’s operated at the moment by a coach that knows how to handle him, but what if Sando was back in charge? People could die.”

Adelaide Crows CEO Andrew Fagan said the club would do everything in its power to exercise its god-given right to play Fogarty.

“We reject any assertion that we are acting illegally by playing Darcy in the forward line. We are a law abiding club. Imagine what the world would be like if Darcy wasn’t around? A tyrannical AFL would be unable to be overthrown.”

“Fog doesn’t kill teams, people kill teams.”

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