Breaking News

Married at First Blight breaks national television ratings records.

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Channel 9’s brand new reality TV drama, Married at First Blight, has broken ratings records after its debut broadcast on Monday night.

While viewers have flocked to the show in their millions, Channel Nine has been mired in controversy ever since the show’s shocking twist was revealed. While all 12 contestants believed they would be marrying a stranger, it was revealed on Monday that they are actually all marrying Malcolm Blight.

One contestant, Kym Koster, was overjoyed at the prospect of marrying his hero. “I love Malcolm. Oh my god ever since I got out of the limo and saw him standing at the alter it’s been a dream come true.”

However controversial contestant Dean (also known as Visionz) was less enthusiastic. “I thought I was going to marry a chick. Now I’ve got this bloke. I don’t even know what he’s saying half the time. Yesterday he told me if I didn’t behave he’d throw me out faster than you can say Tony McGuinness. What does that even mean?”

Blight himself seems quite content with the arrangements. “I don’t give a rat’s tossbag about Dean. My life is great! You’d think a bloke with six husbands and six wives would be under a bit of pressure, but this is fantastic. Most of them will do anything for me if I promise to tell them about the time I played Shane Ellen forward.”

“The experts have got this right.”

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Categories: Breaking News

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